Shang Tsung OK's Rennie v Poll Caged Deathmatch; Record PPV figures announced
Billy Ray - Chief Sports Writer
Ladies and gentlemen, it's the one you've all been waiting for, and late last night after some hard fought negotiations between the FA, Golden Boy Promotions and evil Earthrealm sorcerer Shang Tsung, the caged deathmatch between Uriah Rennie and Graham Poll was finally green-lit.
Three months ago Mingeford365 broke the story that Tsung had shelved controversial plans to re-establish Outworld control and attempt to destroy the Earthrealm, and had instead taken to watching Premiership side Derby County on his brand new high-definition TV.
Angered by the unfair treatment handed out to Derby, Tsung vowed to take matters into his own hands and set up a death-match between two of the people he blamed for their plight; Poll and Rennie. Paul Jewell spoke to Tsung on a number of occasions after particularly distressing matches, and Tsung recalled a conversation between the two which sparked the idea, a furious Jewell allegedly ranting "These fools don't live in the real world, lets not mince words, I'd pay good money to watch them fucking kill each other in a caged death-match"
A statement released by Tsung's spokesperson Goro this morning confirmed the fight had been cleared, "Puny Earthlings, your eyeballs will explode, your heads will de-atomize and leak brain fluid all over your melting prone corpse, and we will consume your souls.... Through the power of televised caged fighting! Uriah Rennie. Graham Poll. Golden Boy. It's on. September 10. 2009. If you aren't there, you may as well kill yourself."
Poll was unavailable for comment, as was Rennie, although the FA did validate claims they had brokered the deal and would be receiving in the region of £679,500,000 as part of the Inter-Dimensional Pay-Per-View takings.
It is thought that the two former high profile referees have been locked away in training for the past couple of months; Poll confided to his friends that his teleport death kick was rusty and would need a few weeks of practice to perfect it again, and bizarre remarks in Uriah Rennie's recently re-released autobiography about wanting to unleash a "flaming skull eruption" on his foes are now clear. Rennie is the bookies early favourite for the bout, which is being held in a suspended cage in the Outworld Rangers baseball stadium.
Lets take a closer look at the competitors...
Uriah Rennie: Allegiance: Earthworld Species: Human/Lizard Alignment: Evil Fighting Style: Crazy/ Shapeshifting/Tiger Style Special Moves: Flaming Skull Eruption & Sonic Deathstare Fatality: Stern Talking To |
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Graham Poll: Allegiance: Earthworld/Planet Gorzo Species: Unknown Alignment: Evil Fighting Style: Monkey/ Pollkwando Special Moves: Teleport Death Kick & One Handed Head Rip Fatality: Triple Threat Yellow Card Brandish |
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